Bulldog and his Modern Family
7:00 PM
Thursday
(deep voice)
IT'S ON!
I've been waiting 6 days and 23 hours on this couch for Modern Family to come back on and there it is!
My favorite character is 100% Manny. The smartest boy in the bunch but underrated completely. My life exactly. Throw me a bone, why don't ya? All you think I'm good for is eating and pooping. I don't get it. Anyways Phil Dunphy is just like the old man in the house here, clueless but has good intentions. I'll let him feel like he is the boss sometimes and sit and roll over when he asks politely, but he's gone half the day and that's when I'm on his pillow eating macaroni and cheese watching cartoons. I love love love television but I always have a hard time turning the damn thing on. Why does there have to be so many buttons? If only I had a thumb. Anyways, back to my show. Cam and Mitchell always have me laughing. I wish I could be their dog. We would have the best times! These two gay men would take me to the best dog salons in the city and making sure I was a handsome devil. I have seen a couple Glorias in my day and we don't get along too well. I spent some time south of the border and they don't take too kindly to my kind down there. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful, but no one lets you sleep on their couch. The television always has some crazy language playing and we have no humans that care about walking us around. It's a free-for-all for all the canines, not my cup of tea. I wish I could tell you more but I have a show to catch. If you want to find me, I'll be eating mashed potatoes by the poolside all morning tomorrow.
8:42 AM Sunday
Chihuahua, Mexico
(thick accent)
The city of Chihuahua has the largest concentration of orphaned mut chihuahuas in the world. These two nuns have traveled all the way from Vatican City to do what they can to get these chihuahuas a home and family. These nun's techniques aren't conventional but the results are irresistible. Each chihuahua is given hours of attention in order to get their costumes right for the adoption hour. The adoption hour is the mutts make-or-break for a chance at a lifetime of affection. They are found in pirate, Santa Claus, and Spiderman costumes. The tension is so high you would think it was the red carpet of the Academy Awards. Thankfully, these two nuns are the best in the business and get the job done. We had a chance to ask them how they are feeling about this year's adoption hour.
Maria: "Fabulous, my little chimamas will find homes the minute they step into the spotlight".
Isabelle: "Me and Maria have brought the hottest European trends to these unfortunate puppies and are too adorable for words."
You heard it from the fashionista nuns themselves, Chihuahua Mexico is the hot spot for adoption and is in the running for the dog fashion capitol of the North America.
A Misunderstood German Shepherd
3:30 PM
Berlin, Germany
(german accent)
It is a vonderful day in the city of Berlin, but I am not a happy dog today. Why you say? You are so strong, so handsome, so majestic, how could you be sad? There is much humans do not know about the life of a Shepherd. A species that is often misunderstood and mistaken for a mean machine, I am no mean machine. Since a puppy I have been attracted in the simple things in life. When alone, after my act of "toughest dog in West Berlin" I would often lay in the grass, watch the sunset, smell the roses, taste the berries and think about a day when I could leave my violent life and travel to visit my cousins in France and live on a dairy farm. Fresh milk and green hills is the life I want, not these cold winters with nothing but drunk Germans and sausages. Hear my roar (bark), I will keep dreaming for this day to come. Until then, you can catch me intimidating the young children and cats of Aleman.
The Dog Blog
Pomeranian Princess
6:30 AM
Hollywood, CA
(valley-girl accent)
I woke up to another one of those damn finches outside my window chirping away its problems. I had to leave my silk sheets and feathered pillow to give him a taste of his own medicine. I made sure he knew not to be chirping around here no more."Useless tweety-bird" and "biggest looking excuse of a bird I have seen in years" were some of the things flying out of my mouth. I was yelling at him for a good ten minutes before the human came and brought me back to my heaven of a bed. I cuddled up and tried to get some rest; I had a long day of exploring the boutiques of Beverly Hills planned ahead of me.
"Chirp chirp chirp", what do you know, the sucka came back for seconds. As patroller of the palace, I was obligated to get out of bed once more and show this chicken who was the big boss. I don't speak much bird these days, but I could make out a few of the phrases he was saying, "fluffy rat" and "spoiled cockroach" were just some of the nicer ones. This was unacceptable, I went outside and told him to get out of the tree and face me like the coward he is. Then all of a sudden it got quiet. YES, I thought. Mission accomplished. I was going to tell all my friends about how I showed this bird who was the real boss of this town. Like a flash of lightning the tree exploded with an easy 200 hundred finches flying right at me! I was sabotaged! Caught like a deer in headlights. This finch had underestimated me and my ways, though. As soon as they were fifteen feet away from reaching me, I called out to some friends of mine, "T-BONE!" "BONECRUSHER!" "BULLDOZER!" From the depths of the backyard three of the biggest rottweilers on the West Coast emerged to greet these cocky little birdies. One glance at these monsters of dogs and the birdies changed directions faster than Flash Gordon. I thanked my big brothers, brought them a few filet mignons from the house and went back to bed where I wasn't troubled by these pests ever again.
