6:30 AM
Hollywood, CA
(valley-girl accent) I woke up to another one of those damn finches outside my window chirping away its problems. I had to leave my silk sheets and feathered pillow to give him a taste of his own medicine. I made sure he knew not to be chirping around here no more."Useless tweety-bird" and "biggest looking excuse of a bird I have seen in years" were some of the things flying out of my mouth. I was yelling at him for a good ten minutes before the human came and brought me back to my heaven of a bed. I cuddled up and tried to get some rest; I had a long day of exploring the boutiques of Beverly Hills planned ahead of me.
"Chirp chirp chirp", what do you know, the sucka came back for seconds. As patroller of the palace, I was obligated to get out of bed once more and show this chicken who was the big boss. I don't speak much bird these days, but I could make out a few of the phrases he was saying, "fluffy rat" and "spoiled cockroach" were just some of the nicer ones. This was unacceptable, I went outside and told him to get out of the tree and face me like the coward he is. Then all of a sudden it got quiet. YES, I thought. Mission accomplished. I was going to tell all my friends about how I showed this bird who was the real boss of this town. Like a flash of lightning the tree exploded with an easy 200 hundred finches flying right at me! I was sabotaged! Caught like a deer in headlights. This finch had underestimated me and my ways, though. As soon as they were fifteen feet away from reaching me, I called out to some friends of mine, "T-BONE!" "BONECRUSHER!" "BULLDOZER!" From the depths of the backyard three of the biggest rottweilers on the West Coast emerged to greet these cocky little birdies. One glance at these monsters of dogs and the birdies changed directions faster than Flash Gordon. I thanked my big brothers, brought them a few filet mignons from the house and went back to bed where I wasn't troubled by these pests ever again.
You are fearless. I like that in a small dog. You should always stand up for yourself and never be afraid to ask for help, but you already know this.
ReplyDeletePomeranians are awesome. This one sounds particularly cool. She doesn't back down and her homies have her back. That's important in a dog!
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